I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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