why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
