yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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