its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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