If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
