addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
