This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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