i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
