Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
