But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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