the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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