Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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