why didn't you poke me back
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
