Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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