One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
MIDGETS
????
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
