you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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