Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's shark week go big or go home
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
