What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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