You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
