Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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