8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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