all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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