Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
