k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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