Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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