Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
