Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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