Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Randomize
