"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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