remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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