I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
