We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
