I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
