Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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