i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I am one with the molecules
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
