I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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