what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
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I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
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The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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