1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
