I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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