I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
