1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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