Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
