he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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