We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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