he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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