Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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