so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
