I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
