the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
