Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
