I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
