We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Less talking, more tequila
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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