1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
