question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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