Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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