I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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