I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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