I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
