I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
