You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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