They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
