Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
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the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
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My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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