I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
