so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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