shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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