Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hippo gnu deer
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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