I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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