the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
