If i come over, it means nothing
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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