At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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