I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
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P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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