Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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