and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
