I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
